The my pillow man is suing to defend the Huge Lie, and we actually want a phrase for ridiculous + scary

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Lindell’s lawsuit is an attention-grabbing artifact. Form of in the identical approach {that a} lifeless rat is an attention-grabbing artifact of the Black Dying.

It’s unclear if Lindell truly secured any type of authorized counsel with the intention to file his go well with. It’s completely clear that it wasn’t crucial. As a result of what Lindell handed the courtroom has the identical relationship to an precise go well with as a few clowns in a horse go well with should Secretariat. Particularly — Reality: Placing the phrase “Reality” at first of an announcement doesn’t make it an announcement of reality. Particularly when each one of many statements that observe is, at greatest, wild conjecture. And assembling a stack of those “information” right into a Jenga tower doesn’t make them any extra factual.

In two sequential “reality” statements, Lindell first declares that Dominion is definitely “a state actor” as a result of it controls elections, then declares the “reality” that he can slander Dominion in any approach he desires. As a result of it’s a state actor. As soon as that’s out of the way in which, Lindell follows up with the “reality” that he’s already confirmed that the 2020 election was rigged. That features twenty hacks “primarily by actors in China that alone modified the outcomes of the presidential race within the 2020 Basic Election.”

Lindell has not solely mastered the artwork of the “reality” assertion, he’s additionally clearly nailed the usage of authorized footnotes. As when he makes use of the time period “Lawfare” in assertion, then places this on the backside of the web page: “Lawsuit Warfare = Lawsuit + Warefare = Lawfare.” That comes full with a Wikipedia hyperlink, so you understand it’s all authorized.

A lot of the opening pages of this 82-page missive, is devoted to laying out these information. It takes all the way in which to web page 10 earlier than Lindell steals a title from a Terminator sequel an begins to easily write a stream-of-consciousness play on “The Rise of the Machines.” And, in fact, it’s all there. The best way that votes may be altered by “the algorithm,” the way in which that votes are literally tabulated on servers in Spain and Germany. And naturally, complete chapters are dedicated to the way in which that Smartmatic is by some means each a servant of China as a result of it has workplaces in Taiwan, whereas “persevering with its shut relationship as a contractor for the Hugo Chavez-controlled authorities of Venezuela.”

Oh, and that part of the lawsuit opens with a Shakespeare quote. Take that, extraordinary lawsuits.

Lindell’s crackpotpedia is chockablock with statements which are apparently damning to his extremely calibrated eye, reminiscent of noting that American Info Methods was based by “the Urosevich brothers, descendants of Serbian immigrants,” that Dominion has an workplace in Belgrade, and that one Smartmatic engineer was “Venezuelan-born.” Apparently in Lindell’s thoughts, anybody who was ever born, lived, labored, outdoors the US (or is descended from anybody who didn’t stand up from spontaneously from America’s polyurethane-infused soil) is a part of an unlimited worldwide conspiracy.

Simply to offer one comparatively delicate instance of the thread plucking, right here’s half 52 in Lindell’s “rise of the machines” part:

In 2018, Dominion was acquired by a personal fairness agency, Staple Avenue Capital, whose largest shareholder, David Mark Rubenstein, is a co-founder of The Carlyle Group. The Carlyle Group is a worldwide funding agency with longstanding and massive investments in China. In 2020, mere months earlier than the election, Staple Avenue Capital (proprietor of Dominion) obtained a $400 million funding from UBS Securities, LLC. UBS Securities LLC owns 24.99% of UBS Securities Co. LTD, a Chinese language funding financial institution. The remaining 75% of UBS Securities Co. LTD is owned by the Chinese language authorities or varied arms of it.

Nicely, that’s definitive proof of … what once more? Oh wait, Lindell brings it house simply two sections later to remain that by the point of the 2020 election, “Chinese language government-related entities, Chinese language expertise corporations, and highly effective Chinese language monetary pursuits had direct or oblique possession of and near-total entry to Dominion’s and Smartmatic’s voting machine expertise.” 

Promotional image showing Mike Lindell headlining a GOP scammers tour
Sleaze-a-thon 2021

Actually, Lindell has cooked up a Mulligan stew of conspiracy theories that features not solely nefarious actions by everybody from China to House to Germany to Serbia and Venezuela (and that’s a removed from full record), he additionally insists on that this conspiracy was lined up by the media. Together with the nefarious YouTube.

The lifespan of Lindell’s go well with as soon as it’s taken up by the courtroom will make mayflies appear to be Methuselah and this complete sport of Six Levels of Hugo Chavez ought to instantly be acknowledged as ridiculous. And but … that is the place we’re. Mike Lindell isn’t simply submitting the courts with nonsense fits in protection of an online of lies, he’s turning his foam-gotten fortune into a complete new rip-off.

The picture of Lindell—who actually does deliver this explicit putsch the mustache it’s been lacking—as a damaged down lounge singer headlining a slate of third tier rip-off artists is each pitiful and hilarious. Sadly, it’s a rip-off whose aim isn’t simply transferring jars of patent medication or lumpy sleep spoilers. 

A celebration that worships Donald Trump is a celebration that, by definition, is owned by scammers. However the victims of this rip-off transcend the Republican Celebration.